The Library

It has come to my notice that there is a lot going on in the world at the moment most of which appears to be behaviour that is not what is the best of human nature.

For this little article I am reflecting back to my days completing neuro-linguistic programming training for which I am forever grateful for changing my views on life a hell of a lot – it had a huge impact on me.

When there is division and exclusion it can feel like an insurmountable task to heal the breaches both within ourselves and our connection with others. We seek to hide our aspects of ourselves that we deem to be unworthy and in turn project this on to others, especially when their behaviour challenges both our conscious and unconscious processes.

So for this I want to share with you a technique that was devised by Steve Gilligan and adapted by Fran Burgess. This powerful exercise really honed in on the ‘I am not my behaviour, we are not our behaviour,’ message that can really strenghten our ability to have self-acceptance. self-worth and self-value.

So grab a partner or look at yourself in the mirror. Identify at least four things that you are proud about yourself (A) and for things that you would rather keep hidden (B).

Start a round of the attributes by either saying to a partner or to yourself in the mirror ‘I want you to see my A. I do not want you to see my B.’ Your partner needs to reply or you need to say to yourself ‘I see your A and I see your B. And I see so much more.’

After completing all four attributes, start again with saying either to your partner or yourself in the mirror ‘I want you to see my B. I do not want you to see my A.’ Your partner needs to reply or you need to reply to yourself ‘I see your B and I see your A. And I see so much more.’

For round three you need to go through these lines in turn either with a partner or by yourslef taking both parts. ‘You will see what you will see. And I will be what I will be.’ with the response ‘I will see what I will see and you will be what you will be.’

Finally complete the statement with at least three new thoughts within it –

‘I am pleased to offer whatever you eperience of me. My acceptance allows me to ……… and it allows me to ……. and it allows me to……..’. Your partner then replies with or you respond to yourself ‘I rejoice at your acceptance. And I embrace your freedom.’

There is so much emotion flying around, with messages that hit our limbic centre which in turn warns our ancient, reptillian brain that there is potential danger to our lives so we become less tolerant, more insular and more critical.

Use this exercise as much as you can to accept both yourself and that nobody is purely their behaviour, they are so much more than that – if they choose to be it.

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